So i cried and i cried, my mom came and told her everything. It’s hard for my mom to know I like girls and boys. But she tries and now, i should try too. What makes me weak, it’s going to be my strength. I will stand back on my feet and face everything again and again. 25 years and nothing done.
I need help.
It’s been 25 days of this madness. I don’t know what she thinks or why she thinks this way or even if she is real or for real…
Why you do when someone you starts to like tells you “Fuck off” even if it’s not with those words? I should give up already, leave her and let her be for God’s sake. I want to speak with my friends because I don’t know why i feel like crying and no one picks up the fucking phone. I hate to feel like a stupid. So what will my friends say if there were here? “FUCK HER! Leave her and go on.” Good advice but what would you do if you don’t want to do that? Should I wait until she wants to talk to me? Did she ended up everything? Even the small friendship we had.
I don’t know. What I do know is that i want to cry and I want to yell, i want to leave College, I want to leave work, I want to punch a wall because I find myself disgusting… Yeah. I don’t want to be me right now. I don’t want to look at the mirror and find my ugly self looking back at me. I don’t want to like someone and think “Oh right, who will like an ugly and fat girl like me? NO FUCKING ONE”.
And then, this happens. Like the cherry on top of the ice-cream, this happens… I can’t be myself with no one because no one likes an “EMO” person like me. No one likes me and I hate myself.
what i planned to do this summer
- paint and make art
- hang out with friends
what i actually did
- ruined every friendship i have